I think I want to be a mortician and this photo has nothing to do with my recent realization.

Sometimes a photo booth, a couple cocktails, and an assortment of 80’s jams is enough to temporarily distract your conscious mind of the fact that the dance floor sort of smells like urine.

If I didn’t have my mother, then I wouldn’t exist. And if I didn’t have my brother, then I would have been an only child, and I just don’t think I would have strived in a situation like that.

I really like Thanksgiving, but I think we need to relocate it and place it in January some where, so it won’t be forgotten or tainted by all this premature Christmas cheer.

It is mid November and the trees are still leafy and green.

On an entirely different note, I have been living for 23 years now and would not consider myself an expert on this whole life shindig we are all partaking in. 22 is the year that I discovered dreadful grey hairs on the top of my head. What will it be this year? Wrinkles? Dementia? 

I’m still high on Johnny Flynn.

Gym and I have been in an “on and off again” relationship for the past few years, and after much thought and pressure from society to get back with him, I have decided to give Gym one more shot.

However, today Gym really pissed me off and I am now reconsidering my decision. You see, Gym and I are taking it slow and at this rate, I don’t see our relationship speedometer increasing any time soon. Spending a mere 40 minutes with Gym absolutely EXHAUSTS me. 

Here are just a few other issues that I’m having with my new boyfriend(good thing Gym doesn’t have a Tumblr). Gym can give a mean guilt trip. I mean, he puts Ray Romano’s mother to shame. I can’t even enjoy a meal without thinking about what Gym would say or how he’s going to punish me later for my fast food intake. It’s hard to date a guy who doesn’t like pizza. He’s just always going on and on about protein shakes and calories and carbs and all the stuff I don’t really care about, and when I tell him I don’t want to talk about it, he ends up going into a huge, steroid induced rage.

Also, Gym never wants to come over to my place so I always end up having to go to his. AND the worst part is that every time I come over, he’s always hanging out with his self absorbed meathead friends.

I made a date with Gym for tomorrow… but I’m thinking Im going to cancel and eat a big mac instead.

Because one day I will know everything about all things Samurai.

I went to DMV today and realized that I hate that place for the same reasons I hate Disneyland.

The Department of Motor Vehicles is a crowded mess full of long lines and screaming children.

My dad and my grandpa built this in my back yard about 15 years ago and it provided many pleasant days outside for me and my brother.

Now its all rickety and broken and looking at it makes me feel old.

Even Riverside is pretty sometimes.